“France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes.” – Mark Twain

“I just love the French. They taste like chicken!” – Hannibal Lecter

“I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me.” – General George S. Patton

“Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion.” -Norman Schwartzkopf

“We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it.”- Marge Simpson

“As far as I’m concerned, war always means failure”-Jacques Chirac, President of France
“As far as France is concerned, you’re right.” – Rush Limbaugh,

“The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee.”- Regis Philbin

“You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn’t have the face for it.” -John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona

“You know why the French don’t want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people.”- Conan O’Brien

“I don’t know why people are surprised that France won’t help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn’t help us get the Germans out of France!”-Jay Leno

“The last time the French asked for ‘more proof’ it came marching into Paris under a German flag.” -David Letterman

Below was a nice rant for a retiree from the USMC .

“DO NOT FORGET”
I sat in a movie theater watching “Schindler’s List,” asked myself, “Why the Jews didn-t fight back?”
Now I know why.

I sat in a movie theater, watching “Pearl Harbor” and asked myself, “Why weren’t we prepared?”
Now I know why.

Civilized people cannot fathom, much less predict, the actions of evil people.

On September 11, dozens of capable airplane passengers allowed themselves to be overpowered by a handful of poorly armed terrorists because they did not comprehend the depth of hatred that motivated their captors.

On September 11, thousands of innocent people were murdered because too many Americans naively reject the reality that some nations are dedicated to the dominance of others. Many political pundits, pacifists and media personnel want us to forget the carnage. They say we must focus on the bravery of the rescuers and ignore the cowardice of the killers. They implore us to understand the motivation of the perpetrators. Major television stations have announced they will assist the healing process by not replaying devastating footage of the planes crashing into the Twin Towers.

I will not be manipulated.
I will not pretend to understand.
I will not forget.

I will not forget the liberal media who abused freedom of the press to kick our country when it was
vulnerable and hurting.

I will not forget that CBS anchor Dan Rather preceded President Bush’s address to the nation with the
snide remark, “No matter how you feel about him, he is still our president.”

I will not forget that ABC TV anchor Peter Jennings questioned President Bush’s motives for not returning immediately to Washington, DC and commented, “We’re all pretty skeptical and cynical about Washington.”

And I will not forget that ABC’s Mark Halperin warned if reporters weren’t informed of every little detail
of this war, they aren’t “likely — nor should they be expected — to show deference.”

I will not isolate myself from my fellow Americans by pretending an attack on the USS Cole in Yemen was not an attack on the United States of America.

I will not forget the Clinton administration equipped Islamic terrorists and their supporters with the
world’s most sophisticated telecommunications equipment and encryption technology, thereby
compromising America’s ability to trace terrorist radio, cell phone, land lines, faxes and modem
communications.

I will not be appeased with pointless, quick retaliatory strikes like those perfected by the previous administration.

I will not be comforted by “feel-good, do nothing” regulations like the silly “Have your bags been under
your control?” question at the airport.

I will not be influenced by so called, “antiwar demonstrators” who exploit the right of freedom of
expression to chant anti-American obscenities.

I will not forget the moral victory handed the North Vietnamese by American war protesters who reviled and spat upon the returning soldiers, airmen, sailors and Marines.

I will not be softened by the wishful thinking of pacifists who chose reassurance over reality.

I will embrace the wise words of Prime Minister Tony Blair who told Labor Party conference, “They have no moral inhibition on the slaughter of the innocent. If they could have murdered not 7,000 but 70,000, does anyone doubt they would have done so and rejoiced in it?

There is no compromise possible with such people. No meeting of minds, no point of understanding with such terror. Just a choice: defeat it or be defeated by it.

And defeat it we must!”

I will force myself to:
-hear the weeping
-feel the helplessness
-imagine the terror
-sense the panic
-smell the burning flesh
- experience the loss
- remember the hatred.

I sat in a movie theater, watching “Private Ryan” and asked myself, “Where did they find the courage?”
Now I know.

We have no choice. Living without liberty is not living.
– Ed Evans, MGySgt., USMC (Ret.)
Not as lean, Not as mean, But still a Marine.

A few more mental notes for myself:
If a protester puts a bumper sticker on my car, I will not call the police, but he will be calling an ambulance.
If a serviceman gets publicly abused here at home in my view, I dont care if it’s a pregnant woman, their ass will be on the ground.

Ahh…I feel better….LATTEEEER

1) Out of President Bush and Saddam Hussein …Hussein is the bad guy.

2) If you have faith in the United Nations to do the right thing keep this in mind, they have Libya heading the committee on Human Rights and Iraq heading the Global Disarmament Committee. Do your own math here

3) If you use Google search and type in “French military victories,” your reply will be “did you mean French military defeats?”

4) If your only anti-war slogan is “no war for oil,” sue your school district for allowing you to slip through the cracks and robbing you of the education you deserve.

5) Saddam and bin laden will not seek United Nations approval before they try to kill us.

6) Despite common belief, Martin Sheen is not the President. He plays one on TV.

7) Even if you are anti-war, you are still an “infidel!” In addition, bin laden wants you dead, too.

8) If you believe in a “vast right-wing conspiracy” but not in the danger that Hussein poses, quit hanging out with the dell computer dude.

9) We are not trying to liberate them.

10) Whether you are for military action or against it, our young men and women overseas are fighting for us to defend our right to speak out. We all need to support them without reservation…

So in closing …don’t lay down in front of my car….I will hit the gas….I hope this helps.

FARMER: “I wanna get me one of those dayvorces.”
LAYWER: “Do you have any grounds?”
FARMER: “Yes, I got 40 acres.”
LAYWER: “No, you don’t understand, do you have a suit?”
FARMER: “Yes I got a suit, I wears it to church on Sundays.”
LAYWER: “No, no, I mean do you have a case?”
FARMER: “No, I ain’t got no case, but I got a John Deere.”
LAYWER: “No, I mean do you have a grudge?”
FARMER: “Yes, I got a grudge, thats where I parks the John Deere.”
LAYWER: “Does your wife beat you up or something?”
FARMER: “No, we both get up at 4:30.”
LAYWER: “Is your wife a nagger?”
FARMER: “No, she’s a little white gal, but our last child was a nagger and that’s why I wants one of those dayvorces.”

Thanks Greg for this lil nugget.

An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden but it was very hard work. His only son, Bubba, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament…

Dear Bubba,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my potato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.
Love, Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son…

Dear Dad,
For heaven’s sake, Dad, don’t dig up that garden. That’s where I buried the BODIES.
Love, Bubba

At 4 A.M. the next morning, F.B.I. agents and local police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son…

Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances
Love, Bubba

A large group of Iraqi soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand dune. “One American Marine is better than ten Iraqi soldiers”.
The Iraqi commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune whereupon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence. The voice then calls : “One American Marine is better than one hundred Iraqi soldiers”. Furious, the Iraqi commander sends his best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gunfight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again, silence. The American voice calls out again “One American Marine is better than one thousand Iraqi soldiers”.
The enraged Iraqi Commander musters one thousand fighters and sends them across the dune. Cannon, rocket and machine gun fire ring out as a huge battle is fought, then silence. Eventually one wounded Iraqi fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander: “Don’t send any more men, its a trap. There are two of them!”
Thanks Greg Roper for that one.

THE BUNNY AND THE SNAKE

Once upon a time there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. By a surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth. One day, the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. “Oh, my,” said the bunny, “I’m terribly sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’ve been blind since birth, so, I can’t see where I’m going. In fact, since I’m also an orphan, I don’t even know what I am.”

“It’s quite OK,” replied the snake. “Actually, my story is much the same as yours. I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never knew my mother. Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and work out what you are, so at least you’ll have that going for you.”

“Oh, that would be wonderful” replied the bunny. So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, “Well, you’re covered with soft fur; you have really long ears; your nose twitches; and you have a soft cottony tail.

I’d say that you must be a bunny rabbit.”

“Oh, thank you! Thank you,” cried the bunny, in obvious excitement. The bunny suggested to the snake, “Maybe I could feel you all over with my paw, and help you the same way that you’ve helped me.”

So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, “Well, you’re smooth and slippery, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone and no balls.

I’d say you must be French”.