Let’s see….the good news: Visited dad this weekend, Deb and I and Dad and Lynne saw Oceans 11 (4 of 5) Stricly a fun time for actors…and it works. A joy to watch all those beautful people that can act. Story not as good as THE STING but still a fun ride. I have always been a visually guy when rating movies so Steven Soderberg has dropped to the middle of the pack since giving up on his signature visual style and moved into the “i just wanna keep working mode” It has garnered 2 academy awards nomminations, but i still like style AND substance. not 40’s style and 00’s substance.

Ok..don’t read the rest. This is a Venting-Rant to keep me sane -WARNING- skip the next section.

In advance I apologise to deb and dad. I offend people, thats what i do, originaly (pre 1988) it was to get peoples goat, make life more fun for me. Since that day in Nebraska i turned deliberatly pissing people off to just telling the truth. I spout the truth like there is no tomorrow. And the women in my life have suffered horribly from it. Early in my relationship with deb, I found out the truth needs to be stiffled if i want to hold a relationship with her. So stiffled, is what i have done. Sometimes my silence has done more damage than good. So while i can maintain my armour though all these bombardments of the last couple months, this weekend a few chinks in the armour are starting to show though. My dad gave me a letter to read while I drove home, in it he stated how he was diagnosed with lukemia in 1985 and the treatments have worked well from that time on. But that those treatments have caused Thrombocytopenia, and that requires a spleenectomy. I’m not to worried, but i would think by now he knows that he could come to us with this sort of things. So there is a little stress there. Deb still maintain her feelings about how unconfortable she is around my family members. Something I’m not sure how to handle . My family is judgmental to everyone ,but all members seem to be right down the middle in all other ways: loyalty,income, love and lifestyle. I feel uncomfortable around her family, but it’s because they are different. I dont hate them, but i do make jokes about there lifestyles. Deb asks all the time if she is a bad person, I try to tell her she is not, and all this is in her head. But for some reason it doesn’t sink in. Perhaps it’s the fact that none of my friends come over anymore. And that my family members seem to want to talk to me instead of her. But the fact that I’m still around and our relationship with two of our other friends is stronger than ever doesnt seem to count. Now i’m forcing her to spend the next 2 weeks with my family coupled with arrival of aunt flo. My stress will be high even if nothing happens. So throw that in with everything else (including a 4 thousand dollar server that just wont back up regularly) and the my ‘nothing bothers me’ persona is starting to get cracks. maybe i need to drink more, smoke more weed, run naked into the night screaming..i dont know. I’m sure i will be fine, and my relationship with deb will be too, but right now the xmas season is looking more like a bummer than a joy. See …i told you all not to read this.
Happy Holidays – Go Rams

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